and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
