she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am full of burrito and curiosity
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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