Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
