just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
