he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
