so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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