i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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