What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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