Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
