summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
