Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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