Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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