Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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