we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I need moral support for this bender
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
