I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
