i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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