My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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