Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
