and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
