I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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