Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
