you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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