Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
