can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
