you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
