During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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