just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My ass is underappreciated
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
