i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
