i used baking grease as lip gloss
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
