So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
