I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
