im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
