now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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