theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
