i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
