You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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