I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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