haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
