i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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