my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
