Apparently you make a good broom.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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