I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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