You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
