You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
