she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
