sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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