i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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