I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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