they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
