he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
