God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
