I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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