she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
