We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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