I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
