This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
