i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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